The things I'll do for money

To bring in cash I have been cleaning houses. I don't mind doing it. I like
to do things that bring instant results. Mowing the lawn - instant gratification.
Sweeping a floor. Same thing.

However, I will no longer allow someone I clean for to think of me as his wife, his girlfriend, his squeeze...his anything. I am not his "Sweet Pea".

This morning my cell phone rang at 6 a.m. "Are you awake?"
Well, I AM NOW! It was Charley. Someone I have been cleaning sty...I mean house for.
He's having a Super Bowl party and wants his house cleaned so it's spotless. So when I come over to his Super Bowl party *which I am not* he can tell everyone who cleaned his house, and "I'm not tryin' to pimp you out or anything like that...but...."

"I can tell everyone that you're the one who cleans my house and maybe you can get some more work."

There was more dialog but in my sleep-deprived stupor, I don't recall it all. Then, in a flash...he hangs up!

You KNOW I don't go to bed at an early hour, so the 3 hours sleep I did receive, was not enough! And, I was so angry to be called at 6 am that I just got up, got dressed and cleaned my own house! Then I grabbed my Swiffer and broom and left for Charley's house. NO, I didn't ride the broom there!

Thankfully he was leaving with his friend Mike to go to Sam's Club to get the 50#slabs of meat that he'll throw on his grill for the big game.

I busied myself with dusting. And, just to point this out to you, I started in the living room...at the computer. I dusted his huge wooden carved eagle, then the television and beyond. I did the mountain of greasy dishes and wiped countertops. I swept and mopped the kitchen floor. I put two globes back on light fixtures that had been sitting on the table for weeks. I spent 30 minutes attempting to clear off the coffee table in the living room to find the dust and crumbs that awaited. I got down on my hands and knees with the bottle of Folex carpet cleaner to clean up the black from his cigarette ashes. I vacuumed. I removed the mattress from his bed and put the new "free" bedskirt he received from a friend, then added the new *free* comforter.

I cleaned the bathroom that should have been done by a reputable biohazard team. I don't even know what was in the bathtub, but I DO know what was all over the floor!

I washed the old comforter that was on the bed because his friend's dog had umm...relieved himself on it.
After he came home kept asking, "Are you mad at me?" "Oscar *the dog* mama's mad at me."

Oh my God, I am not your mama!! Please note that in between these episodes of me gagging, I call my friend Tami and regale the stories to her. I can barely understand what she is saying to me because of the cachopanous roar that is coming from her! It's not funny!

At this point I asked him if there was anything else he needed done. He said he guessed not. And, I happily left.

When I got home, I changed out of my clothes that reeked of cigarette smoke, grabbed a snack and laid across my bed to read. In a short period of time I was sound asleep and dreaming peacefully. Then...go ahead - guess.

You got it! My cell phone rang! It was Charley! "What are you doing?"

I indicated I was sleeping. He asked me, "Do you have any idea what the purpose of you coming over today was?" I commented that it was to clean for his upcoming Super Bowl party. He yelled, "Then why is there an inch of dust on my TV?!"

He promptly hung the phone up on me. I laid on my bed and just stared at the phone.
I called him right back. No answer. I called again. No answer.

Now, you as a reader, are thinking, "What's this guy smoking?! She said she dusted the tv!"

Alas, I remembered that I had forgotten to clean the tv screen. I got in my car and drove the 4 miles to his house to clean the tv screen.

He had two friends there and we chatted amicably. Immediately Charley asked, "are you mad at me?"

YES!!

Anyway, to make a long story short, after that he said, "It has always been my belief that if you are employed by someone it's at their discretion when you work."

At that point I opened my purse, retrieved his set of house keys and threw them at him.

Sweet Pea has left the room and is currently searching websites for a real job!